I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
