I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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