my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
