I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
