Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im holly from the hills drunk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
