Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
