I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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