Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
