Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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