i would punch a child for taco bell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
