11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
