9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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