I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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