would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
