I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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