Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
