CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
