Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Randomize
