im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
