while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
