and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
