A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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