I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
