I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
