so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
