You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
