She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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