those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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