and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
