I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
