it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
