Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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