I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
