Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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