i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
