woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
