I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
