Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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