Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
