I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
