My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
