Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
