did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
