I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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