I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
