I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
