we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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