is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
