she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
