What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
