you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
