I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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