He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
