I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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