i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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