She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
