alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
